I'm lying again
by DoctorWhoFan9
Summary: Kendall likes Logan, but will Logan feel the same?


Why? Why couldn't he see? Why did he never notice how much it broke my heart to see him with a new girl hanging on his arm every other week? Of course I supported him, I love him, but he doesn't know, I've hidden it well because I know he will never love me as more than a best friend or a brother, never.

"Kendall, you ok man?"

"Course James" I said, making my forced smile seem natural. _I'm lying again, _I thought.

"Ok, but if you need to talk you can always talk to me. You know that right?" James asked.

"I know, thanks Jamsey."

"No problem dude" James said as he went to find Carlos.

I sighed, being in love with one of your best friends just seems to make you miserable, and leaves you lying to everyone, including yourself. It especially sucks when you're in love with Logan freakn' Henderson. I sighed again. _I really need to get this all out._ But that had to wait until after filming.

When we got back to the apartment that the four of us shared, I locked myself in my room and picked up my guitar. I was mindlessly strumming it, like I always do when I need to think. "I'm lying again." Every time, one of the guys asked if I was ok, I would lie, saying everything was fine, even though my heart broke every time, every single time, I would see him with some girl hanging on his arm. I continued to play, humming, as my mind wandered back to Logan. "You should know that you're the something that I hold on to when I'm left with nothing." Logan was just that, whenever I needed to talk, or rant, or scream, Logan was there. When I felt like crap, and worthless, he would tell me what he saw instead, what everyone saw that I couldn't. But I could and would live with him as just a friend, without him, my life would hardly be worth living. As I continued aimlessly playing my old guitar, I couldn't help but think, _Love sucks._

Logan POV

When Carlos and I got back to the apartment the four of us guys shared James was sitting on the couch and the person I really wanted to see was nowhere in sight. "James, where's Kendall?"

"He locked himself in his room about an hour and a half ago; he's been playing his guitar."

"I'm going to go check on him" I said biting my lip. Whenever Kendall locked himself in his room and played that guitar for hours on end, there was something bothering him.

"Good luck with that. I already tried."

I already suspected that James had tried, but I hoped that Kendall might let me in, might tell me what was wrong, even though I knew at times like these he liked to be left alone and write songs or just cry. No one else knew Kendall like me, no one knew that when the door closed, and the lights were off, he let his defenses down, let you see right into his soul. So I walked toward Kendall's room and stopped staring at his door. _It's now or never._ I thought as I raised a hand to knock, but froze when I heard him sing.

"_Step one begins again at an argument but we're still just friends. _

_We're eye to eye but we don't know why everything just comes and goes when,_

_And I really want to be with you and you really want to be with me so badly,_

_But I can't control the way my heart feels when (s) he looks right at me,_

_You should know that you're the something_

_That I hold on to when I'm left with nothing and _

_Eventually we will come back to each other, _

_But for now we're just not right, _

_I'm lying again, _

_Every time you come around here, _

_Watch my knees hit the ground,_

_In the window, Can't you see me?_

_In the end it's all the same thing,_

_We'll make it till tomorrow pat this sorrow,_

_Hope never fall apart, I hope we never fall apart._

_So you wanna stay with me, and it's time that we sit and talk in the bedroom,_

_And I don't wanna fight, so we hold on tight to the words that I say when I think of you."_

I couldn't help but thing of the fight we had the day before, it was stupid really, about some random girl I went out with that night, and I couldn't even remember her name. Kendall had asked why I was always jumping from girl to girl, why I never seemed happy, why I didn't give anyone a chance. It had turned into a full blown fight that ended with him throwing his hands up and storming to his room, slamming the door, as I did the same thing. We still hadn't talked to each other, other than when we had to, and I felt like nothing was right all day because of it. Eventually we would make up, and it would almost like nothing had happened. I needed to talk with Kendall, badly. Carlos had helped me figure something out, and I needed to tell him, needed to know how he would react. I took a deep breath, _here goes nothing._

Kendall POV

I heard a knock on my door. "I don't want to talk James! Go away!" I shouted. I really didn't want to talk, to anyone.

"Um, it's not James. Kendall please let me in, please talk to me." I could hear the worry and concern in Logan's voice. I sighed, setting aside my guitar and got up to unlock my door, wiping a few stray tears from my face. I opened the door slightly and walked back to my bed and flopped face down.

"What's wrong?" He asked as soon as he saw my tear-stained face.

"Nothing" I mumbled into the pillow I had pulled over my face.

"Kendall."

"It's nothing."

"Kendall."

"Fine! I'm freakn' in love and there's no way in hell that they're gonna love me back! Happy?" I shouted at him, sitting strait up and throwing my pillow in frustration. Logan looked shocked at my outburst, and shook his head. "Kendall, how can I be happy when my best friend is this upset? But, um, who are you in love with? Because they would be a fool to let you get away."

I blinked. Did he really just say that? It couldn't possibly mean what I thought it meant, could it? _Of course it doesn't_, I thought. Logan's strait, right? I noticed Logan swallow nervously. "K-Kendall, I… there's s- something I-I need t-to tell you… b-but pl-please, don't hate me…"

"I could never hate you Logie, you know that." I completely, and utterly confused, what did he want to tell me that made him worry that I would hate him? "What is it?"

"I… I think… 'M gay." He whispered staring at his hands. What? Did Logan just say what I think he said?

"Umm, what?"

He took a deep breath and looked up at me; those deep brown eyes I loved so much were clouded with worry and fear. "I said, I'm gay." I stared in shock, Logan was gay? Did that mean I had a chance?

Logan POV

I just told Kendall I was gay, and all he was doing was staring at me like I grew two heads, I was afraid he would react like this, or worse. _Time for me to leave_. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and my chin starting to tremble. "I… I'll go now." I muttered, attempting to hold in the tears as I stood and walked toward the door.

"Logie… Logie come back… please." Kendall gently put a hand on my arm, effectively stopping me from leaving the room. "Logie, I'm sorry, I just… I…"

"S'ok Kendall, I understand." The tears were cascading down my face now, as I avoided his gaze.

"Logan look at me. Please, Logie." I shook my head, I didn't want to see the hate in his eyes. He gently lifted my face so I was looking in his eyes. "I could never hate you. How can you hate someone you love?" Those green eyes of his were filled with nothing but love, more than just the you're-my-best-friend love, more than the you're-my-brother love, it was the I-love-you-with-my-whole-heart type. "Logie?"

"Yeah, Kendy?"

"You're the something that I hold onto when I'm left with nothing. I love you."

Kendall POV

"_Logie?"_

"_Yeah, Kendy?"_

"_You're the something that I hold onto when I'm left with nothing. I love you."_

I just told logan how I felt about him, and I was terrified about how he would react. _Please love me back, please._ I don't think my heart would take rejection, my life would seem worthless to me without him, what I said was true, he was what I held onto when I had nothing, when I felt like nothing. As I looked into those warm brown orbs I saw a flicker of hope, and some doubt. "I mean it, I love you. When I freaked earlier, I was talking about you. Please say something" I begged.

"I love you too." He leaned closer to me, his face inches away when he stopped. I could feel his breath on my lips. I closed the distance, brushing my lips against his, then pulling back, when I felt a spark, to look into those beautiful brown eyes. Nothing but love shown in them, I smiled, leaning in to kiss him again.

Carlos POV

After Logan went to go try to get Kendall to talk him, I walked over and sat down next to James, I needed to him as much as Logan needed to talk to Kendall. "Hey Jamesy, can I talk to you?"

"Sure Carlitos, any time."

"Promise you won't freak out?"

"Promise. Now, what's up?"

I took a deep breath "I'mGayAndIThinkILikeYou."

"Could you say that slower?"

I took another deep breath "I'm gay, and I think I like you, a lot, and please don't freak out, and please don't hate me, I don't think I could stand being without you, as a friend or otherwise, and-"

I was cut off by James' lips on mine, I can honestly say I wasn't expecting that, but my mind went blank an instant later as I kissed him back. We broke apart when we heard shouting from Kendall's room. We looked at each other and stood up and listened to everything, at the door. I knew I should feel guilty for invading their privacy, but all I could think as James pulled me away from the door, and kissed my again was, _ finally._


End file.
